This blog is a record of my life as the Lord shepherds me through His will. It is a testament to the lessons I learn, or attempt to learn.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Lost Faith

I am totally writing this post today out of complete frustration and discouragement. 

Let me explain. 

I am simply one of those people who go to the doctor for something, which seems very serious, and comes out with NOTHING.  No explanation.  No positive test result.  No, yeah lets give you this for that, it will help.  Just alot of smirks, sighs, and rolling of the eyes from my doctors as if I had just offended them for wasting their time. 

Now, you might think that this all sounds silly.  I mean why would she actually want something to be wrong?  Well, because I absolutely DO NOT go to the doctor for just anything.  I have been through these sort of disappointing appointments for years. 

Not only is it difficult for me emotionally, but it also hurts the bank as well.  It's like every time one of my doctors gives me that "crazy lady" look, I just want to respond with "WHY!?! Why would I want to spend tons of money and time just to find out that, yet again, there is NOTHING?" 

Now, it is not all the doctors fault.  For some reason, my body clearly steers me wrong.  However, now, I have even been double checking with Jacob just to make sure I am not crazy.  I make sure to get multiple confirmations from my husband before going, because at this point, I don't want to even go any more.

This morning was yet another one of those miserable appointments.  Jacob and I found something which concerned us about my pregnancy, and since I already have a rather large cyst on my ovary, we just knew we needed to get it checked out.  I mean, we do not take anything with our children lightly.  I must admit that I was very worried and quite emotional about the situation.  Jacob prayed over me this morning before I went out.  Again, I am certainly glad that there is nothing wrong.  However, it hit me quite hard when my doctor came just short of laughing at me. 

Now, if you know anything about me, I am not one of your super sensitive, ultra paranoid, give me all the shots you got kind of moms.  I am rather laid back and I try not to let things bother me.  I try to intentionally rely on the Lord and give Him my worries.  So, you can see why it hurt so very much when I was so concerned about something, only to have my concern mocked at.

I am not really sure where I am going with this particular post.  Maybe I just need some confirmation that I am not the only one in this world who feels this way.  Or maybe I need someone to help restore my faith in the medical world.  All in all I guess I just needed to get this of my heart. 

I praise the Lord for always taking care of my family.  I am very grateful to be "healthy" and to be independent and mobile.

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